I figured you guys might want to know what’s going on in my life since I haven’t done many personal posts except for selfies. haha. If you don’t care about my life or story don’t read this, it’s that simple. :)
So I’ve been going to counseling and so far I’ve done 12 sessions of individual therapy and around 7 sessions of group therapy. Group was for eating disorders/ body image and my individual counseling basically focused on how I can control my anxiety. Individual counseling has helped me see why I am the way I am. It’s given me the tools to work on myself in a healthy way. Group, to be honest, is really triggering and I end up restricting the day of and after it for some reason. So I’m not sure if I’ll return next semester. Though, it has helped me with some trust issues that I have.
I’ve been really depressed lately. I am aware it’s because I skipped 5 pills in a row, so it’s just a chemical imbalance, but that doesn’t take away from how I feel.
School is almost at an end for the semester. I have tomorrow and then next week is finals. I’m honestly not stressed about finals, I was more stressed about this week and having so many papers to turn in.
Next semester I’m taking Evolutionary psychology, Spanish, cognitive psychology, emotion, and a counseling class. Luckily I arranged it so that I won’t have classes on Tuesday or Thursday, so that’s going to be amazing.
I went home for Thanksgiving and got really sick, but after I got better I ended up binging for three days straight. And I mean I binged until I puked. It was really bad.
My mom has 5th stage breast cancer, and isn’t going to live for much more than a year (or so they say) so I’m trying my hardest to make peace with her, but she continues to call me ugly so I don’t know how that’ll work.
My dad has 1st stage colon cancer. He’s fine, just a bit of radiation is needed for treatment.
My sister has a ovarian tumor that exploded in her insides. She’s having surgery to have it taken out in December, luckily I can be there for her.
I’ve been really lonely lately. I know this sounds like I’m complaining but I honestly don’t have any friends. Literally my only friends are my roommates, and they’re wonderful, but I still feel lonely. I am excluded from almost all group activities that both my clubs do because people in the groups just don’t like me. I would love to have somebody just tell me but they don’t like about me…and maybe then I could change it. I just want to be accepted. I don’t understand how I can be a part of such a segregated gay community. I am just looking for acceptance; not of my sexual orientation but of my personality. I know I don’t have a very exciting personality…or even much of one to be with, but I feel like if people came and tried to get to know me better they might like me. I have a feeling that most of whats going on are rumors from somebody who just doesn’t like me. It’s fine if you don’t like who I am, but telling people to exclude me from things just because they don’t like me kind of hurts.
I’m trying not to be childish with this. I don’t want anyone to think that HAVE to be my friend. I just wish people would give me a chance to be their friend…
I think I make a pretty good friend….
Anyway, I’m just lonely, and excluded, and I’m just not alright right now. I’m not suicidal, so don’t be inboxing me about that, I’m just really sad. That’s all.
Sorry that was so long. If you got to this point thank you for caring about whats going on in my life, and thank you for letting me vent.